


i could never tell you, that i'm breaking slowly

by princessparkmanor



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race UK RPF
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, a'whora is sad, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 09:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessparkmanor/pseuds/princessparkmanor
Summary: A'whora watches Tayce perform during their live show and wrestles with her feelings.
Relationships: A'Whora/Tayce (Drag Race)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	i could never tell you, that i'm breaking slowly

**Author's Note:**

> I watched the Taywhora live show tonight and this happened. Oops. They were both so amazing <3

A’whora was barely breathing. She was standing in a corner next to the stage, where the cameras hopefully wouldn’t find her, and watching her best friend perform like it was the last time ever, leaving the floor covered in glitter and raw emotion. It was in these moments that she became fully aware of how, no matter how close they became over the past year, Tayce will forever stay part-mystery to her. She wasn’t like anyone she ever met, and not in a cliché way of simply idolising someone. She maybe did idolise her, but she wasn’t the only one. Tayce just had that effect on people. She would walk into a room and all conversation would stop immediately, numerous wide eyes fixed on her, everyone suddenly feeling like they have found themselves in front of an ethereal being, someone who seemed to exist outside of mere mortality, probably spending their time floating in the clouds and basking in starlight for all they knew. 

She still remembered the first time she saw Tayce in person. The image will likely stay forever carved into the deepest parts of her mind she tried to conceal from everybody. The first time they locked eyes and Tayce smiled at her, she effectively forgot how to breathe for a full minute. The worst thing was, a year later she still had that exact same effect on her. She just learned to hide it better, because letting her feelings show so transparently was dangerous and terrifying. She didn’t know how other people got used to it, seeing Tayce on a daily basis without losing their goddamn mind. There had to be a way because Tayce had friends. Friends who could act normally around her and did not picture her eyes every time they fell asleep. Friends who were just that - her friends. Without the complicated feelings, and enormous guilt that came along with them. A’whora wasn’t one of those friends. She really wished she could be.

She was wearing a beautiful, dark red dress covered in glitter that moved around her flawlessly while she danced. A’whora let out a shaky breath. She should’ve said no to that dress when Tayce asked her opinion a few days before the show. Now it would haunt her forever, along with the rest of Tayce-related memories that constantly played on repeat in her head and completely overtook her ability to function like a normal human being. She remembers how she thought that Tayce moving in would completely demystify her, make her somehow more real simply because she would see her in normal, day-to-day situations, like lounging on the couch in her sweatpants or devouring beans on toast in the morning like it was a matter of life and death. But that theory backfired a little bit, since it only made her obsessive crush turn into actual unrequited love. 

Falling for Tayce was easier than anything else she had ever done. She barely noticed when it happened. One day she woke up and heard Tayce’s soft laugh coming from the living room and suddenly, she knew. She was done for before she even got to have a say in it, to somehow try to stop it before it was too late. Times like this, when Tayce was on stage and in her element, were completely mesmerising, but her favourite moments were the ones when they were at home, when Tayce would completely let her guard down, being comfortable enough to feel like she doesn’t have to hide anything, and they would talk and laugh for hours on end without noticing the time. She would look into those paralysingly bright eyes and think that it would be so easy. It would be so easy to just lean in and kiss her, finally give in to the feelings that ate her up inside every single day. She imagined Tayce looking at her in shock, but then grabbing her neck and kissing her back, admitting that she secretly harboured the same feelings A’whora did. But it was just a fantasy and the real world was much more cruel. Of course someone like Tayce could never love someone like her. It was laughable to even think about and she only caused herself more pain by doing so. She was lucky enough to be considered her best friend, and she had no idea what she did in her life to deserve that. Tayce needed her friendship and she needed her to be there, to love and support her unconditionally, which she did with every fibre of her being. But Tayce didn’t need a best friend who was secretly pining after her, especially because it was hard enough for her to open up to anyone in the first place. 

Her weakest moments happened in front of other people. She was never good at hiding her thoughts and feelings the way Tayce was, and she coped with it by mentioning their ‘relationship’ every chance she got, every time someone asked. And a lot of people asked, because apparently she did a horrible job of controlling her facial expressions and always looked at Tayce with noticeable fondness. Her worst fear was Tayce finding out, confronting her about it with that sadness in her eyes that appeared very rarely. Tayce could never find out. She had to make sure she never did. 

She felt like a terrible person. But loving her wasn’t something she chose. She would give anything not to feel this way, not to be paralysed by the sight of her all the time. It hurt more than she ever believed love could and it was wearing her down day by day, until all that would be left of her would be the overwhelming love for Tayce that eclipsed everything else that she knew or that mattered to her. She would go down willingly, because there wasn’t anything she could possibly do to stop it from happening. 

Cara came up behind her. “She’s incredible, isn’t she?”

A’whora exhaled shakily, trying to stop tears from coming. “Yes. Yes, she is.”


End file.
